can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
