I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
