i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize