Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
