Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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