I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
