Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
