I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
