someone get that fucking seahorse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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