went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
