Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
