I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
