why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
