Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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