your thong is hanging out like whoa
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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