3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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