you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
