everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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