Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
