It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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