You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
