well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
