Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
