do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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