I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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