Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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