i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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