I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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