I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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