I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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