I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
