Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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