i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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