We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
