He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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