letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
