my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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