So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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