if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
