Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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