I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
