I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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