im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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