And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
