apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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