I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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