I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize