Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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