if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
