Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
