I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
