Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
