I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
