he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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