What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
