She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
