Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What changed your mind?
Being sober
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Randomize
