It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
