i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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