Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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