I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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