dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
