he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
