he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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