i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You dont lie about slip and slides
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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