so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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