all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
