Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize