just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
