Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize