I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
