i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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