He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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